Trying to slow down...

I got up this morning and bolted down my breakfast on my way out the door to swim laps.
The good news is: I took time to eat something for breakfast.
The bad news is: I ate my food way too fast.

Over the years during most of my life, eating breakfast is something I rarely have taken the time to do. Typically I just forget because I'm so focused on getting in to school or work or out into the world for playtime and *beginning my day*. I've missed many meals actually because I'm so focused on whatever it is I'm doing at the time and then move right into the next thing without missing a beat.

But when & how I eat is just a symptom of a bigger problem. How exactly does one slow down if it isn't naturally part of one's makeup?

And now without a job, I have this insane compulsion to make myself busy and to run fast all the time. Nothing to do? Write on my blog. Still nothing to do? Go for a walk. Still nothing to do? Mow the lawn. The useful-time-filling opportunities are endless.

Ryan Marchand, another friend who has recently left BEA and is deliberately not looking for a job yet, is having the same problem. So. It isn't just me. I suppose this inability to slow down could just be part of learning what life is about without a job. I can remember going through this stage the last time I quit my job & had to find new focus for my year off. I dunno though. To me it seems more like a personality flaw, i.e., a choice whether deliberately made or not. Even without a job, I don't ever act like I have time.

I had this professor in college who knew me really well. He would always liken me to a racehorse, meaning I am at my best running fast & hard. But he would also constantly advise me that I need to remember to fully stop & pant at the end of a race so I don't run myself to death.

He's right, I suppose. I either need my body or my mind to be absorbed. Even when I sleep I'm either fading in & out of consciousness, getting up and down ... or tossing & turning or thinking/dreaming/turning problems over in my head. I'm almost never idle. Sometimes I wonder if I know how to sit still. Heck, I have the worst key fiddling and pen chewing habits of anybody I know. Being still doesn't come naturally, that's for sure. But if I discipline myself...

On one business trip to Boulder, I convinced Bob Carina and Mike Schoen that we should order one course and finish it before we ordered the next. We slowed way down that night (and other nights after that). The food was much better. The sense of having time to spend was wonderful. And it was all about the approach.

Too bad I have such a problem with discipline. Taking the time to really savor, rather than letting time race by at Mach 9.8, is wonderful. And I also have to wonder how many open doors and windows I just never notice, how many opportunities I simply miss because I'm so focused on flying towards the next finish line.

We all have some *addiction* that we need to kick in life. Perhaps this is mine?